Category: Spiritual journey (Page 2 of 3)

Sometimes we forget that God has a hand in our lives. It often seems we can go through live without noticing his presence. The promise of his love and presence is with us though. I talked with my kids the other day about how God loves us and how important we are to him. We shared for quite a while. After walking on the road with Jesus for more then thirty years alot seems just to be natural. Like in other relationships we get used to each other. I guess in my walk it comes to that as well. But then there are the small surprises, chats and moments that makes me aware of God's presence and the special thing I have, a real gift in my life.

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Another experience I had with six was a dream. It was a recurring dream. With the dream came high fever. It also scared me enormously. Back then till a view years ago I didn’t understand what it meant. For a long time I didn’t know that it had to mean anything. But it is the only dream in my life so far that would come to me for several nights in a row. I only was able to understand it about thirty years later. I think that this dream helped my longing to seek God. It was very short, but every time I would wake up with a high fever up to 40 degrees (104 Fahrenheit) I would run out of my room and collapse before my parents bed. Here is the dream:

I was walking on an endless green field. The grass was short and there were no flowers or plants. Just a green lawn and a blue sky. As I was walking, suddenly many people past me running. I don’t know how many, but there must have been hundreds or thousands over the vast field. I turned around to see why they were running. Then a bright light appeared that filled first the horizon.

Years later as a teenager in the eighties I thought the dream was about the end of the world,a nuclear holocaust. But only thirty years after the dreams when someone told me a dream she had before she became a Christian I received the interpretation for her dream and at the same time for my own.

The light was Jesus in His glory "the light of the world". He scared me to death because back then I did not know him. I always woke up before the light would reach me or I could see what the light really was. I thought I had to die. Actually back then in my spirit I was kind of dead. Back then I was still far away in darkness.

With the experience of meeting followers of Jesus and having that dream (back then I had no idea what it meant) I also had the experiences of an evil presence. I don’t mean just the monsters under the bed, even though this I had this too as part of growing up. Of course those experiences are subjective specially from a six year old. But I never forgot the episodes and the feeling of helplessness, whereas the monsters I quickly would forget. I can still recall a night where I believe the "darker side" in the ongoing spiritual battle showed up…

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I was about six years old going to seven. It is along time ago and I can’t chronologically put together all the pieces of my spiritual journey. One day (I guess in heaven) God will help me put everything together and I will see His hands in my life. There are two particular events from that time in my life I can remember very clearly. Two stories that have driven me towards God.
Our family lived in the city of Basel at the time. I lived there from age four to nine. The apartment building we lived in was across a big reformed church that at the time enjoyed much activity. Back in those days the YMCA "boy scouts" were very active and counted more more then thousand children in the city at the time. Of course I had no idea that I later would become part of this movement in 1975 and that it would change my life forever.
I remember I used to play in front of that church a lot, I learned to drive a bike there and we (me and my younger brother) spent many great hours there. One day after crossing the busy street to go and play there I heard singing from a small cellar (basement) window. I was curious and went to peak in. There was a group of children and a young man singing. I was instantly drawn to this group and wanted to be very much a part of the singing. The song was "God has the whole earth, in His hands" I remember it like it was Yesterday how my soul was stirred. The leader of the group saw me peaking in and ask me to join. I first declined because I was shy, but I really wanted to participate and  and  when the  man asked me again I went down  to be part of my first "Chinderstund" children’s meeting. I cannot remember if I went again, but later when I was seven I joined the YMCA boy-scouts (CEVI Jungschar). There I met the same man again. He was one of the  early people who guided me on my spiritual journey. That day in the celler singing songs and listening to a story about how much God loves me touched my soul very deep and would leave something behind that would not go away. A seed was cast.
Before I took the path where I would learn about the Bible, about God, Jesus and what a Christian is I would have another encounter with God that nearly scared me to death…..

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30 years ago God called to me and I followed that call. Something very simple changed my life forever. Back then I didn’t realize the implication of that call. It was something very simple but still hard to explain. I remember sleeping in my bed, then waking up in the middle of the night I sensed a voice saying it is time to decide. "Do you want to follow me?" I said yes. That was it. I felt the presence of God very close and peace came into my heart. This was the beginning of my walk with Jesus. I heard about him for about three years before that, but never felt a need to listen to what was shared. I was not interested. He called me first. This year is a year I want to reflect on that journey more and look at the way points of my spiritual journey.
One interesting in my life is that major changes happened in ten year intervals. I don’t know that this would be the same in the future, but I wonder if this will be a special year for me. I sure hope so.
With ten I gave my life to Jesus. With twenty I committed to a church body. With thirty I left for oversees mission. There were many other very important steps on my journey. But those defined my life enormously.

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I’m reading the book "Finding Faith" by Brian McLaren. It has been very interesting so far. He ponders questions like why there are so many different religions, different forms of believes and views. I enjoyed to read about atheism, agnosticism and pluralism. This morning, while enjoying coffee in bed, I read about doubting ones faith. Here is part of it that I think many of my fellow travelers in Christ need to hear.

"My faith is my own creation – a world view, a paradigm, a map of life, a set of guiding principles – that I am assembling and reassembling from what I read, who I know and respect, what I experience, and so forth. My faith isn’t perfect, and it isn’t static. It is guaranteed by my finitude to be incomplete, inaccurate in many places , out of proportions, in need of continuing mid course  corrections. Therefore, it deserves to be doubted at times- doubted so it can be corrected. If I didn’t doubt my faith, I would protect it, defend it, not amend it."

"So I’m learning that when I doubt my faith, I don’t have to doubt God."
                                                                                     "Finding Faith by Brian McLaren p. 203"

My journey with Jesus started 30 years ago. I went through many different phases on that path and sometimes it was very bumpy. Doubts is something I encountered often and sometimes very severe. But going through it my faith in Jesus prevailed and proved to become stronger. Specially in those areas where I doubted. Because it is a relationship I pursue and not a religion I follow a mysterious path of discovering an invisible God who only can be known by revealing Himself to me. My knowledge of God is very limited even after 30 years. As older I get as more I realize how little I know. Still the little I know and I experienced has become very important  for my faith.

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The heat wave has arrived in Chiang Mai. It is often up to 40 degrees here and it is hart to think while you feel that your brain is being fried. Today I was doing the book keeping and realized once again the wonder that we are still doing what we are doing. We have spent a lot of money on projects and paid all our bills. God is providing as we move on with the work in several villages and supporting various projects. I don’t understand the workings behind it. The principle is this: "trust  God for everything and don’t worry". Easier said than done. Still we have lived like this for the last eight years. God has shown Himself faithful and so do I want to be faithful to Him.
Looking back I don’t want to miss anything. Of course there were mistakes and disappointments. In all my life is enriched by the mission life style, my wife and children and being challenged to follow Jesus. I’m looking forward to what the next years will bring.

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There are a lot of people claiming God to be with them in their endeavors. Some go as far as justifying wars and killings by having God on their side. Does God take sides? Does He not have his own ways? Reading through the old Testament it seems that God takes sides. But only with those who follow in His will and decrees.
So I guess when we are in His will we can with boldness say:"if God is with us, who can be against us". Looking on the teachings of Jesus it seems that His will though is to take ones cross up and loose ones life. Let go off the power-trip so many fall into. Some then justify anything with God on their side. I hear the phrases like:" don’t touch the anointed one"; "God put me in this position, who are you to tell me"; or, "look what God has done for me in the past".
Is God on my side? Do I have favor with God? It is only by the grace of God that I’m alive, and only because of what Jesus did for me and all of us that I can say if God is for me, who can be against me? The uncertainty of the word if puts me back into place. I can only know by taking up my cross and follow the one who knew God, his Father, better than anyone else. Perhaps I can learn something from him, and have that confidence as well. Then even in the worst circumstances I will be able to say;

"If God is for me who can be against me".

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A friend send me this quote. We were talking about normal, weird and crazy people and also about work in the kingdom of God. The thoughts kept flowing away and I thought I just post it here.

"Normal is nothing more than a cycle on a washing machine" – Whoppi Goldberg

It’s all a matter of perspective going through life. If we only could see how ridiculous we sometimes look trying to save the world. Sometimes it is like seeing Micheal Jackson singing "let’s make this world a better place, for you and me and the ENTIRE human race". kind of ironic.
I sometimes feel like the biggest idiot trying to figure out what in the world am I doing on this planet. But maybe it is just another cycle in the washing machine. So I want to make a difference and come up with a new program (perhaps one for white washing) and then it is just another cycle. Are we taking ourself just to important?
I remember being taught in church that God has a plan for my life. A good one to say. Now I wonder if I just got it wrong. I believe God has a plan. But I is more like it is His plan, not mine. This plan doesn’t involve success, fame or riches. It is more likely to involve me dying to myself and on the way hopefully get closer to what God created me for, kind of more in his image and not that of self-involved, self proclaimed Saviour.
What would we be doing without Jesus. I cannot imagine how terrible this world would be to live in. I get reminded reading through the first five books of the bible how things turn out being without God and also being with him when there is no grace. He really changed my perspective and my entire life. For this I am thankful. So when I seem to go through life plan less and without success it is because I try to follow Jesus. To die is to live, to loose is to gain, to let go is to win.

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My plan to read through the bible is not a speed reading contest. I believe to understand God and His plan better is to read what happened in the past. This morning I finished Leviticus. It leaves me thankful that I wouldn’t have to bring the sacrifices the Israelites had to bring to be acceptable to God. Today I live with the privilege to be accepteable before God solely by His grace and by what Jesus did for us. His blood was the ultimate atonment for sin.
There are many incidents in my life where this became very real to me. Mystic experiences. Times when God would reveal His holiness and also His forgivenes.
Leviticus shows me that God is a holy God. We can’t have compromises . But also a God who wants to be in relationship with His people. He makes a way.

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